Cindy: I remembered that Jan Woods had a sort of request list for when someone would ask her to marry him. She went through the book of Ruth and found character traits that were in Boaz. I decide it wouldn't hurt to do that. I don't have the list any more but from what I can remember Boaz was a kind man and he was resolute to do what was right. It seems like it says, "He wouldn't rest until it was settled." I prayed over these things.
The next week I made an appointment to talk with Bill Woods about my conversation with Rob. Bill told me that I had insulated myself from relationships. I tended to back off if they got too close, but that wasn't healthy for the church. The body couldn't function properly if people weren't honest. If, perchance, there was a person that I felt a bond with -- more than just sharing a hymnal -- then I needed to ask God to work specific things in that person. Character traits, Bible verses, whatever God laid on my heart. Bill said I could be confident God was at work when the man did what I had been praying. I set about to do that for my dear friend John.
John had rescued me many times from rodents, lawn mowing, and not having a ride. He knew I was insecure with guy/girl relationships so I didn't think he would have unrealistic expectations. Besides, he had expressed care for me when we both worked at David's and at a conference we both attended before I moved to Indiana.
John: A very interesting thing happened after the campus fellowship meeting the next Friday night. The singles often went out to eat after fellowship. I happened to be with several younger guys at a restaurant when Cindy and some other girls from the fellowship walked by -- and we chatted briefly. One of the guys with me asked, "Is that your wife?" I answered, "No." but noted how curious a question it was.
Sunday morning came. I had to leave for work immediately after church. Bill spoke about Ruth and Boaz at worship that morning. Ruth and Boaz were another set of "major players" in my concept of my relationship with Cindy. Boaz's love for Ruth led him to take charge and settle things with regard to her well-being. Things had been building for several days and by this point, I was pretty bothered by this whole thing being unsettled. I kept praying when I had moments alone at work, like going to the stockroom for things.
After work, I went home and as I was there alone, I kept praying fervently about this situation. My promise to God was that if I determined that it was the right thing to do, I would follow through with it. I had been reminded again and again about my perspective of Moses crossing the Red Sea and as I thought about things and recounted them in my mind prayerfully, I realized that I had been brought to this point and there was only one thing to do. Almost audibly, I heard, "what are you waiting for, move forward." I didn't think about it at the time, but that was what God told Moses to do when he cried out to God about the approaching Egyptian army. I realized that I that it was time to get on with it.
As I went to the car and began to drive over to Cindy's, I knew that whatever the outcome -- keep in mind that we had not dated, we had not spoken about this together and she might totally shut me down -- I had to follow it out to the conclusion. I arrived at Cindy's apartment and knocked on the front door. There was no answer. Should I give up and go home? I thought, "no I have to settle this today," so I went to the back door. I knocked and Cindy answered the door.
Cindy: No more than two weeks had passed and I was having a very emotional day. I was dressed in orange sweat pants and shirt -- not expecting company -- ughh! There was a knock at my kitchen door. When I went to the door, John was there. He said he had to talk to me and ask me something. I invited him inside and we sat down. He said God had given him a special love for me and he wanted to ask me to marry him. Because I needed to have confidence that God was at work in this, I said, "On what basis?" John said, "Because God has given us an 'iron sharpens iron' relationship and I just can't rest until this is settled." When he said that, I said "Yes." I probably cried, too.
John: I was not expecting Cindy’s response, "On what basis?" So when she asked, I knew what I appreciated about her and our relationship, and I just knew I had to settle this. As it turned out, these exact things were what she needed to confirm what she had been praying. What a relief when she sighed and said, "Yes."
After that, we both wanted to share the happy news with Bill and Jan. We announced it to them and went over to visit for a while, then stayed up late and started planning, calling people and just rejoicing in our news...
This was just the beginning of miracles in our life together, small and large. We were able to pull together a wedding in six weeks, Cindy found a beautiful wedding dress and veil at a fraction of its original cost at a wedding shop. Later, my vision of Abraham and Sarah was fulfilled this way: After over a year of trying to have a baby with various infertility treatments, God blessed us with Joseph. That is another story. When Cindy and I chose an imprint for our wedding napkins, we chose the Bible verse about "a cord of three strands is not easily broken." Jesus has been the "strong strand" in the cord of our life together and we are thankful to be able to celebrate these twenty-five years together.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
What Happened Next - 25th Anniversary Recollections
Cindy: I struggled with my singleness but I accepted it as God's design. I knew that when it came to relationships with men that I couldn't trust that they would be stable and secure or that sin wouldn't mar it.
It happened one weekend, as spring break was just ending, that I went with Christy, Rob and someone else to pick up trucks for Rob's U-Haul business. Somehow I ended up riding with Rob. He scared me to death when the first thing he asked me was "what I looked for in a husband." I quickly said that I didn't -- that I felt as if my singleness was a permanent proposition. He just as quickly told me that he didn't believe our pastor, Bill Woods would agree. In fact, he was quite sure that Bill would say no one in our church had the gift of celibacy. That hit me pretty hard because I was pretty keen on being under the pastoral leaderships' authority. So that night I cried out to God about whether I was wrong, asking "was I protecting myself from rejection, betrayal and insecurity?"
John: Rob started talking about his conversation with Cindy when he got home that Friday night. I told him -- with uncharacteristic bravado -- that I believed Cindy and I were meant to be together and I believed we would be married. His reply was that it would be some sort of miracle because Cindy had told him in no uncertain terms that she would not marry. I countered with the promise that if we were not engaged by the time Sunday ended, I would just drop the issue. Well, I'm not sure how I thought that would happen, but Sunday night came and I was not engaged. I dejectedly said I would keep my word and just let it drop. The next week would be a very down week for me -- sort of trying to "soldier on" disappointedly. Every time I thought about Cindy -- and that was often -- I reminded myself that I was dropping it.
It happened one weekend, as spring break was just ending, that I went with Christy, Rob and someone else to pick up trucks for Rob's U-Haul business. Somehow I ended up riding with Rob. He scared me to death when the first thing he asked me was "what I looked for in a husband." I quickly said that I didn't -- that I felt as if my singleness was a permanent proposition. He just as quickly told me that he didn't believe our pastor, Bill Woods would agree. In fact, he was quite sure that Bill would say no one in our church had the gift of celibacy. That hit me pretty hard because I was pretty keen on being under the pastoral leaderships' authority. So that night I cried out to God about whether I was wrong, asking "was I protecting myself from rejection, betrayal and insecurity?"
John: Rob started talking about his conversation with Cindy when he got home that Friday night. I told him -- with uncharacteristic bravado -- that I believed Cindy and I were meant to be together and I believed we would be married. His reply was that it would be some sort of miracle because Cindy had told him in no uncertain terms that she would not marry. I countered with the promise that if we were not engaged by the time Sunday ended, I would just drop the issue. Well, I'm not sure how I thought that would happen, but Sunday night came and I was not engaged. I dejectedly said I would keep my word and just let it drop. The next week would be a very down week for me -- sort of trying to "soldier on" disappointedly. Every time I thought about Cindy -- and that was often -- I reminded myself that I was dropping it.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
How Cindy and I Met - 25th Anniversary Recollections
John: The first time I met Cindy -- in 1977 -- was at a weekend conference held at a camp next to Caney Lake, just a little ways from Ruston, Louisiana. I had traveled there from Emporia, Kansas with Bill Woods, my pastor. Bill was one of the conference speakers that weekend.
To properly understand the context that all these things happened in, I should do a little background about our church experience. In the early 1970's, several young men and women began an itinerant evangelistic outreach that focused on college campuses. They would locate at a campus, put on musical programs in the dorms, have Bible studies, have outdoor preaching and follow up by trying to band those who responded together as a fledgling church. After a period of time, they would move on to another campus and do the same thing. As a result, there were -- for lack of a better description -- campus Bible study churches from Texas to Ohio to Florida to Louisiana and many campuses in between. Bill Woods was a product of this outreach at Kansas University and had become a facilitator of other similar churches.
When God awakened me to my spiritual need, it was through this type of church, located where I went to college at Emporia State University in Kansas. Cindy had already been a member of the church at Louisiana Tech in Ruston for several years. It was the church at Louisiana Tech that had invited a sister church from Houston for a joint Christian Living conference and Bill Woods was one of the two invited speakers. As one of the founders of the church at Ruston, Bill was the common denominator between Emporia and Ruston.
I distinctly remember sitting outside the dining/meeting hall at a picnic table and talking with Cindy for a short period of time. One thing we still laugh about -- I remember having the conversation and she doesn't. I joke that I must have made a fantastic impression on her! In her defense, when we met and had that conversation, I was pretty overweight and it would be no wonder that when our trails crossed later, I looked different, having lost about 55 pounds.
After the conference, Bill and I traveled back to Ruston, and stayed over at the home of several single men who were in the church there. Cindy and someone else -- I can't remember who -- came over and made a travel lunch for Bill and myself before we headed back to Kansas. Along the way, when we unpacked our lunches, I found an index card with the food. It had the verse saying, "Whom have I in heaven but Thee and there is none upon the earth that I desire but Thee." For some reason I kept that index card for years -- and Cindy was very surprised to find it when she was unpacking my things at the apartment when we returned from our honeymoon.
Sometime later -- in 1979, I think -- Cindy was invited by Bill to consider joining the young fellowship at Emporia to help with the campus and community outreach. Cindy was very ill when the time came to move from Louisiana. She had to have some men in the fellowship drive her car up and move her things while she took a flight. Not long after her arrival, she was hospitalized had to have surgery for her ongoing "female" problems. I remember visiting her in the hospital, but mainly I was kind of a bother to her. I say that for this reason: I was very shy around her and didn't really know what to say -- so I made up for it by repeating things I read in the then-popular book How to Speak Southern. Not the thing to do!
Bill involved me in a project he and Dave Cook -- a pastor from Lawrence, Kansas -- were developing. The vision for this project was to form a pop-rock band that used Top-40 hit music to develop thematic programs bringing biblical concepts into focus. Dave Cook had been a professional drummer, I had been a semi-pro bass player and Bill recruited other band members from several sister churches that were talent-rich. Rehearsals and the subsequent "City Lights" tour kept me pretty tied up through the end of 1980.
After touring, we were sort of in limbo, thinking we might regroup after a rest and go at again. The possibility existed that me might relocate to a place more central to the network of campuses we were involved with. Bloomington, Indiana was one possibility. In the meantime, I got a job at a local discount store named David's -- sort of a regional Target -- which was where Cindy worked in the Cash Office. That was where I began to develop a true affection for her. I wanted to develop a deeper relationship with her, but was torn and fearful. As I pondered my options, I kept thinking of a common Biblical image, one that would figure into events later on. The image was that of Moses bringing the people of Israel to the Red Sea. When they were being apprehended by the Egyptian army, God parted the sea in order for the Israelites to pass over. I always felt in my relationship with Cindy that I was at the sea but it would not part. Until it did, I could not "move forward".
After several months, plans began being implemented for a team of couples and singles to migrate to Bloomington for a church plant. There was no discussion of reviving the music group, but I was urged by the church pastors to relocate to Bloomington. There was little doubt that part of the reason was that as they observed me in relation to Cindy, they realized that there was more emotion than substance and a little distance might put things in a better perspective. That summer, three small teams moved to Bloomington, a month apart. I was in the middle group and moved to Indiana early in June. I busied myself finding work -- not easy to do with 12% unemployment -- but after several weeks, I landed a job as a counter salesperson at Bender Lumber Company in Bloomington and settled in to work and campus ministry.
In the late fall, we had a retreat at an old mansion north of Bloomington. Several people who were still in Emporia came up for the weekend -- including Cindy. Late one evening, we got a change to chat with each other. Among other things, we talked about how we "used to" have feelings for each other months before, but we were past it now. For my own part, that was definitely not the truth. In reality, I never got over it -- and I still haven't!
The following fall, more people, including Bill and Jan Woods and Cindy had made the move to Bloomington and we all busied ourselves with our work and with campus bible studies and fellowship. For my part, I just tried to ignore my feelings and be productive. There were enjoyable opportunities to help her out with little things, like setting and emptying mouse traps, putting on window plastic for winter, having homemade mushroom soup -- yum! I tried to enjoy just being friends and that was okay for then. On through the winter and into the new year, on Valentine’s Day, I remember calling Cindy and chatting with her for several hours. I so enjoyed her. My roommate, Rob was aware of these things and marriage -- in generalities but not specifically -- was a topic of discussion between us.
To properly understand the context that all these things happened in, I should do a little background about our church experience. In the early 1970's, several young men and women began an itinerant evangelistic outreach that focused on college campuses. They would locate at a campus, put on musical programs in the dorms, have Bible studies, have outdoor preaching and follow up by trying to band those who responded together as a fledgling church. After a period of time, they would move on to another campus and do the same thing. As a result, there were -- for lack of a better description -- campus Bible study churches from Texas to Ohio to Florida to Louisiana and many campuses in between. Bill Woods was a product of this outreach at Kansas University and had become a facilitator of other similar churches.
When God awakened me to my spiritual need, it was through this type of church, located where I went to college at Emporia State University in Kansas. Cindy had already been a member of the church at Louisiana Tech in Ruston for several years. It was the church at Louisiana Tech that had invited a sister church from Houston for a joint Christian Living conference and Bill Woods was one of the two invited speakers. As one of the founders of the church at Ruston, Bill was the common denominator between Emporia and Ruston.
I distinctly remember sitting outside the dining/meeting hall at a picnic table and talking with Cindy for a short period of time. One thing we still laugh about -- I remember having the conversation and she doesn't. I joke that I must have made a fantastic impression on her! In her defense, when we met and had that conversation, I was pretty overweight and it would be no wonder that when our trails crossed later, I looked different, having lost about 55 pounds.
After the conference, Bill and I traveled back to Ruston, and stayed over at the home of several single men who were in the church there. Cindy and someone else -- I can't remember who -- came over and made a travel lunch for Bill and myself before we headed back to Kansas. Along the way, when we unpacked our lunches, I found an index card with the food. It had the verse saying, "Whom have I in heaven but Thee and there is none upon the earth that I desire but Thee." For some reason I kept that index card for years -- and Cindy was very surprised to find it when she was unpacking my things at the apartment when we returned from our honeymoon.
Sometime later -- in 1979, I think -- Cindy was invited by Bill to consider joining the young fellowship at Emporia to help with the campus and community outreach. Cindy was very ill when the time came to move from Louisiana. She had to have some men in the fellowship drive her car up and move her things while she took a flight. Not long after her arrival, she was hospitalized had to have surgery for her ongoing "female" problems. I remember visiting her in the hospital, but mainly I was kind of a bother to her. I say that for this reason: I was very shy around her and didn't really know what to say -- so I made up for it by repeating things I read in the then-popular book How to Speak Southern. Not the thing to do!
Bill involved me in a project he and Dave Cook -- a pastor from Lawrence, Kansas -- were developing. The vision for this project was to form a pop-rock band that used Top-40 hit music to develop thematic programs bringing biblical concepts into focus. Dave Cook had been a professional drummer, I had been a semi-pro bass player and Bill recruited other band members from several sister churches that were talent-rich. Rehearsals and the subsequent "City Lights" tour kept me pretty tied up through the end of 1980.
After touring, we were sort of in limbo, thinking we might regroup after a rest and go at again. The possibility existed that me might relocate to a place more central to the network of campuses we were involved with. Bloomington, Indiana was one possibility. In the meantime, I got a job at a local discount store named David's -- sort of a regional Target -- which was where Cindy worked in the Cash Office. That was where I began to develop a true affection for her. I wanted to develop a deeper relationship with her, but was torn and fearful. As I pondered my options, I kept thinking of a common Biblical image, one that would figure into events later on. The image was that of Moses bringing the people of Israel to the Red Sea. When they were being apprehended by the Egyptian army, God parted the sea in order for the Israelites to pass over. I always felt in my relationship with Cindy that I was at the sea but it would not part. Until it did, I could not "move forward".
After several months, plans began being implemented for a team of couples and singles to migrate to Bloomington for a church plant. There was no discussion of reviving the music group, but I was urged by the church pastors to relocate to Bloomington. There was little doubt that part of the reason was that as they observed me in relation to Cindy, they realized that there was more emotion than substance and a little distance might put things in a better perspective. That summer, three small teams moved to Bloomington, a month apart. I was in the middle group and moved to Indiana early in June. I busied myself finding work -- not easy to do with 12% unemployment -- but after several weeks, I landed a job as a counter salesperson at Bender Lumber Company in Bloomington and settled in to work and campus ministry.
In the late fall, we had a retreat at an old mansion north of Bloomington. Several people who were still in Emporia came up for the weekend -- including Cindy. Late one evening, we got a change to chat with each other. Among other things, we talked about how we "used to" have feelings for each other months before, but we were past it now. For my own part, that was definitely not the truth. In reality, I never got over it -- and I still haven't!
The following fall, more people, including Bill and Jan Woods and Cindy had made the move to Bloomington and we all busied ourselves with our work and with campus bible studies and fellowship. For my part, I just tried to ignore my feelings and be productive. There were enjoyable opportunities to help her out with little things, like setting and emptying mouse traps, putting on window plastic for winter, having homemade mushroom soup -- yum! I tried to enjoy just being friends and that was okay for then. On through the winter and into the new year, on Valentine’s Day, I remember calling Cindy and chatting with her for several hours. I so enjoyed her. My roommate, Rob was aware of these things and marriage -- in generalities but not specifically -- was a topic of discussion between us.
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